Saturday was spent basking in the life light of my granddaughter, who is eight years old and so full of herself and willing to be exactly who she is that I envy her. She is like Buddha presence to me: her teaching lies in her behavior as a human being in this world.
Occasionally, I slip back to my childhood and wallow in a bit of self-pity for I was taught that my behavior could control how other people treated and responded to me. In all of my relationships, my goals were outcome oriented: how did I need to be in order to elicit a specific result or response from that person? In the Catholic religion, I was given a script of behaviors that would guarantee me a ticket to heaven, and it did not matter if I enjoyed the behaviors or if they were good for me or not. I was soliciting a response from the ultimate authority: God.
That’s power. To be able to control God’s response to me would mean that I was actually more powerful than God. To be able to control anyone’s response to me either through coercion, manipulation, or bribery means that I am more powerful than them. The unspoken rule is: I do what makes you happy and then you are supposed to respond by meeting my needs and doing what makes me happy.
Yesterday, I learned that one can simply ask for what is needed. I mentioned to my granddaughter when I picked her up that it looked like she had grown since the last time I had seen her two weeks ago. She said, “Yes, and nothing fits anymore. We have to go shopping for summer clothes!”
And so we did. I set a limit on the clothes I would buy for her. I did not elicit any agreement from her otherwise about the clothes. She does not owe me anything. I did not buy the clothes because of any behavior she exhibited except for asking. I bought them because she needs them and I love her. This helps me stop my pity party over what I often perceive as my own bizarrely neglected childhood. I, too, am learning the Buddha presence. The contrast teaches me that what I had learned in the past means nothing to my behavior in the present. I can choose Buddha presence.
©2010 by Barbara L. Kass
Eternal Presence 
April 18, 2010 at 8:44 am |
I love this. I can feel my face breaking out in smiles again. I know that y’all just had the best time looking forward to the summer activities that January will enjoy sporting her new togs. I was also intrigued by the thought of manipulating your Higher Power through response-reaction. I still struggle with my training, or perhaps the breaking of it. The waiting for the cue or clue as how I am to respond to a certain person or situation, instead of taking matters into my own hands and forging on ahead solo. These days I am more apt to take off without looking around to see if anyone will join me or if I have group approval. I spend more time listening to my intuition than to my peers. I am neither follower or leader, I just am and my journey is my own. But when little rays of Sunshine like January or in my case, Joey cast their light on my path, I am delighted to notice and take heed of the pitfalls my own eyes might miss.
April 18, 2010 at 9:51 pm |
Hi, Sandi — I think you and I came from the era when training was “in” and I came from a family of five children. My mother was way in over her head so I imagine that the training was her way of surviving. Like you, as I get older, I am much less likely to seek anyone’s approval before I do anything . . . except, of course, January. Whatever I do in this world, I am going to make sure she will see my actions as Buddha presence as well.
April 18, 2010 at 9:09 am |
Barbara – This is a fantastic get-up-and-get-on-with-it post! I truly love it! Your bottom line on top is: I CAN CHOOSE. Boy Howdy, and so you can. We we all can.
Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.
Laurie Buchanan
http://holessence.wordpress.com/
April 18, 2010 at 9:52 pm |
Well, you know me, Laurie. I just sort of blather on and on and on sometimes and then have to give myself a good kick in the ass and just get on with it. 🙂
April 18, 2010 at 4:52 pm |
Barbara,
There is a almost “Twilight Zone” like quality that I see in this post. I was brought up and sometimes, to my dismay have portray them. i am although starting to take things into my own hands, choose good and diret decisions that if they are mistakes somehow, I will take the consequences. I will live and bask int eh fact I made them on my own and was not coerced or talked into a “better way” as there are as many possible ways to things are there are people.
Kim
April 18, 2010 at 9:55 pm |
Hi, Kim — once we own our choices (even the choices we made as children when we thought we had no choice), we become our own person. I put up with a lot of nonsense from the grownups in my world to survive and get here. I have earned the right to just do life as I want.
April 19, 2010 at 9:23 pm |
Pass the word….
I am now at:
ButterfliesGalore.wordpress.com
April 19, 2010 at 9:23 pm |
http://butterfliesgalore.wordpress,com