Ending presence

Ending presence is being with the total irreversibility of life and knowing that is the way our existence is ruled . . . for now (I can’t speak to any other reality except this one.)

It is the closure of an experience that caught my attention today. Even though each moment of our lives is a different experience than the moment before, there are consistencies that we grow to depend on like home, family, and work.

A home that once was mine became the home of others today. While I feel this enormous element of relief, it is tinged with regret and sadness. Attached to that home were dreams, hopes, and desires that did not have a chance to unfold. My time there was interrupted by another, more important calling that has taken much of my time and energy over the past five years. That calling, so far, has failed to turn out as I imagined it should have.

And I wonder if I had stayed in that home and ignored the other calling, where would I be in this life now?

My gratitude attitude says to be thankful for what I have now and that the other calling is still a possibility, even if it is not unfolding as I think it should be.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

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7 Responses to “Ending presence”

  1. holessence Says:

    Barbara – I think, perhaps, it hasn’t turned out the way you thought it should because Divine Love has an even better plan in mind …

    Laurie Buchanan

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      thank you, Laurie 🙂 – I need to remember that it is not up to me to decide how life should be for others, AND I need to remember that my intent for my life is the grounding force for all that occurs.

  2. sandiwhite Says:

    Oh, my word. I do remember that feeling. All the might have beens. It is sad and can lead to a dreadful emotional hangover if you let it. Things might have gone 900 different ways and you’ll never know. When I thought my Never-Ending Story had come to a close, I discovered that I had just turned a page, started a new chapter and the adventure continues, as will yours.

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      You are so right, Sandi; emotional hangover is the last thing I need to do! It will help not having the condo around all the time to remind me and I am free to make choices that I otherwise would not have been able to make had I held on to it . . . letting go of the emotions will also set me free.

  3. Snoopykg1 Says:

    I appreciate your honesty and you are right, there are things waiting for you around the corner that will lead to new choices and opportunities.

    I am sorry to say that I experianced this type of hangover for years after we moved from Atlanta to Chicago. so many memories: kids were born there, we buried our first baby (Cocker that looked just like OREOZ, my new cocker), made tons of friends, Amanda was starting school, we both were very involved in the church and school.
    Then after many years in Chicago my husband finally told me that he was not laid off in Atlanta, which precipitated our move to Chicago, but he got fired because he would not build a planned project—An Abortion Clinic!! I sometimes get angry at that, how dare he put our family in jeopardy and actually lie about it to boot. I think of Lauries signature phrase with this, Whatever your are not changing, you are choosing and am at peace with that, even though I also had my job on th eline at the time as well when we had to move.

    When I look back though, my kids would not had had the opportunities that they have had in Chicago, nor would have my husband and myself. I went back and totally changed my focus from technical lab to managment and got another degree in Business Management and also a MBA Certificate in Business Adminstration, and now my daughter is attending my same university and I attend business school functions with her as a MBA alumni. Not to mention being closer to family in Minnesota…I do not believe we have scratched the surface of the adventures in Chicago and what it has to offer. I also do not think I would have gone back to Minnesota to visit my old teachers-nuns in their eighties and developed such wonderful friendships and I am also becoming a lay associate of their order.

    The best of all is that I have met so many friends, new and old on this blog and others. I have hooked up with friends all over the map from when I was really little to now. It is great getting back in touch and seeing what twists and turns our lives have become.

    If had a regret, I would bring up moving from Minnesota in the first place, however I quickly disown that one and think what I would have done there and how my life would be different. Now I know,there was no other path, I am going down the path that I am being led.

    Have a great evening.

  4. Snoopykg1 Says:

    P.S….I apoligize I got long winded! It is really quiet in this hotel!



    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Kim — you can write as much as you want. This is virtual space! Endless! Your story is so poignant and teaches a good lesson. We are the ones responsible for making our lives good — not our spouses, not the place we live, not our jobs. Sandi is right. None of us know that the “other” life would have been better. All paths lead to ourselves. Thank you for being so honest.

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