a little bit of presence

Evidently, I am powerless over everything outside of myself and have just been in extreme denial these past 53 years . . .

But I was right about one thing!

I am totally powerful over how I respond to being powerless.

It was just like one GIANT serenity prayer today. All day long, I’m looking for stuff over which I have no power. It started with the simple acknowledgement that I am powerless over whether or not the light bulb in the bathroom goes on when I flip the switch to I am totally powerless over whether or not anyone reads this blog today. I am powerless over other drivers and realize that I blindly trust that everybody else who is driving a vehicle is driving with the collective intent that we all arrive alive. I am powerless over whether or not anyone loves me.

And, I have to confess, I have been holding out all these years. I have been peeking out from behind my illusion of total autonomous power and refusing to open myself to others or get close to very many people because, in my heart, I know I am powerless over their response to me.

Uncertain of my own personal strength, I am a little bit afraid to open myself to others and risk their response to me. But my safety is cradled in the arms of my eternal presence and forever connection to all that is. I am close to something very huge for me.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

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11 Responses to “a little bit of presence”

  1. holessence Says:

    “… I am a little bit afraid to open myself to others and risk their response to me.”

    Barbara – You know I think you’re the best thing since sliced bread and peanut butter! I’m so glad you’re on the GROW, and that you’re sharing it with us. THANK YOU!

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Laurie — thank you so much 😀

      I am definitely growing into some new spaces here and expanding my presence in this realm of reality. I do know that having you, Sandi, Jeff, Kathy, and Kim supporting me keeps me honest and always looking for the next best place to be.

  2. sandiwhite Says:

    Hi, Barbara, just a guess here, but I am assuming that Jeff tipped you off to being “Powerless over persons, places and things”. That is something I had to accept a long time ago if I was ever to get myself back in running. There are times in a person’s life when they will, if they care to, accept that the only real power they can exert over a person is when they undertake to control themselves. The rest is pretty much smoke and mirrors. I have a Higher Power that I have turned the control of my life over to, he does a much better job at it than I do. The best we can hope to do otherwise is manipulate others until they do as we bid. Letting go of certain situations, persons and properties can be a hellish chore or it can be a life and sanity saver. You can wear yourself to a thread trying to make it all work out on your terms or you can learn to live Life on Life’s terms. None of it is a cakewalk, but one of these ways will let you sleep at night. You have chosen a powerful subject to address here, I wish you the Best with it and of it.

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Sandi — I have worked the manipulation routine until I just couldn’t stand it anymore and quit. Jeff actually wrote me a very supportive response the other day and poked a few holes in the-story-I-tell-myself about how loving I think I am. So, it is a leap of faith that I am about to embark on here . . . I am thinking I have nothing to lose except my illusions and everything to gain in connection with others. And I must let go of, as you say upstairs, “situations, persons and properties” and simply accept what is. I know (for sure) you will be on my side!

  3. ButterfilesGalore Says:

    I am powerless over whether or not anyone loves me.

    Wow….That is a great eye awakening statement.

    I have found that I beat myself up when I go out of my way to invite others to lunch, dinner, etc and then I spend my time sitting arround feeling sorry that I am not the one to be invited, asked out, called, or visited. It reminds me a time when I would sit and play bank teller and no one would come to the bank. Feeling powerless, I would make some make believe visiters! Ugh…..

    It would seem we are powerless over quite a number of things, how we relate to that powerlessness with facing the reality rather than going into some subconscious reality is the challenge.

    Kim
    Snoopykg2@aol.com
    Butterfliesgalore.wordpress.com

    ©2010 by Kimberly A. Grady

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Kim, if you are ever near Washington DC, you are hereby invited to dinner with Jonathan and me. I don’t know if we would cook in or take you out, but just know you have a standing invitation. I think what matters most is that you are doing what you enjoy regardless of how others respond to that. I love writing stories and cocky essays, but have yet to be accepted for publication. I think this new space that is opening for me will allow me to write even more as myself because I know I am powerless over anyone’s response to my writing. So, I am going to write as me.

      • ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady Says:

        Thank You!!

        Wow–A standing invitation! Last time I was in D.C. I had to stop my family from looking at one more aircraft….after you look at so many old aircraft, they all start to look the same! LOL
        I will see what I can do to take you up on that one of these days! Maybe I can drag Laurie with me,,,oh wait,,,Her luggage is lighter than mine, so I might need a crane!…No just joking with her,,,,

        I too am just on that journey, better late than never, to really find out I am really all about and quite frankly that others are powerless over that realization, only I can have that power.

        Kim

        Butterfliesgalore.wordpress.com

        Snoopykg2@aol.com

  4. the reluctant bloger Says:

    […] friend and fellow blogger has been working on powerlessness so maybe this is where my thoughts are coming up around all of this? It is always good to be […]

  5. ldallara Says:

    Every moment you spend wishing you were not powerlessness is a moment you can’t get back.
    What Are You Waiting For? 4 Steps to Begin Taking Bold Action.
    “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, being it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hello! Thank you for responding. I don’t waste too much time on wishing I were not powerless (if I were all-powerful I would be you-know-who), but I think the commitment issue is key to letting go of the worry over powerlessness. I am impressed with Goethe’s quote. Most everything I have committed myself to in my life has gone well for me. This quote is quite supportive in helping me look at what has not gone the way I want it to and see if I was truly committed to making it happen.

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