a little bit edgy

Being powerless makes me weary. Today, this is what stood out for me:

• The ants who insist on invading the kitchen
• The optometrist who clearly did not bother to find out what I wanted
• The co-worker who plays helpless and inept in an attempt to get others to do her job for her
• Whether anyone likes my cooking
• If it will rain
• If my tennis partners will show up to play
• If other people drive safely

I’ll not bore you with the details or the outcomes. It is sufficient to say that I made it home alive and intact.

And the ants are still here, too.

This exercise has made me notice how my mind automatically thinks. I have to focus and concentrate on what I have no control over in order to even be mindful of it. The question for me is: now that I know I am powerless, will I let that stop me?

It could be that I am not all that invested in outcomes as I once was. I will find another optometrist. I will laugh at the co-worker (and occasionally poke her with a stick). I like my cooking. Rain or not, does not matter except when I want to play tennis. If it rains or no one shows, I go do something else.

Other people driving safely is one of those tricky outcomes. I have a constant urge to stay safe, so I drive like other people are out to get me. I am paranoid, untrusting, and always expect other drivers to do The Stupid Thing.

Like I said, I got home alive.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

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6 Responses to “a little bit edgy”

  1. ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady Says:

    Its been a pearl of a day, Laurie would say. I went off caffeine today for the first day of a month long, hopefully longer, fast from coffee. I also find that I should cut back on all chocolate as a first step. Ok My freind I have to admit I had a ice cream cone today with some chocolate mixed in, it is really hot here. I promiss I will try to do better tomorrow. This is actually something I do have some pwer over, or think I do anyway!

    I do like my new saying”Be Yourself, no on can say you are doing it wrong. It makes me think how we aer all so different in our degrees of facing our internal power. One person gets up and goes out into the world to conquer it while another stays within the confines of thier home, scared adn fearful of what might be out there.

    In my workplace, healthcare, we always concerned with the fact there are always options for any problem. The key is finding out what the problem is and where the root cause is, then seeking outcomes/options.

    I was thinking of the movie “Ants”, it was a good one.

    As for being edgy, I would rather than be edgy than at the end of my rope. I can’t believe I just said that, because I have been there, too close.

    Take care
    Kim
    http://snoopykg2.wordpress.com
    ButterfliesGalore

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Kim — you are a brave soul to be willing to wander the world without chocolate. I, too, am a recovering chocolaholic. However, when it comes to ice cream, Butter Almond is my favorite. The caffeine is a good one. I am down to an 8:2 ratio (8 scoops decaf and 2 scoops caffeinated in my pot). I love your mantra/affirmation “be yourself – no one can say you are doing it wrong” 😉 We should search Jeff’s pictures and find one where it would make a suitable caption for the book of affirmations I want him to publish. My edginess seems to rise as the more I look at how powerless I am in the world (which is why I tend to ignore being powerless). This exercise is good for me since I have felt recently that I am on the edge of something huge in my growth.

      • ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady Says:

        Day two….No cafeine at all….Coffee, soda, chocolate……………..Now I have to find other pleasures to substitue without getting myself into trouble.

        I will tell you I have to eat more now for breakfast. Between 9 and 12 the day is draging

        Kim

  2. jeffstroud Says:

    Barbara,

    On the edge of your thoughts and lips could be the Serenity Prayer.
    God/Spirit
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
    the courage the change the things I can
    and the Wisdom to know the difference.

    In acceptance of our powerlessness come our freedom, we awaken consciousness, we learn to use intuition, and or seek wisdom.
    Each situation you are powerless over your are given the opportunity to experience who you are now and who you desire to be in the next moment.
    The realization of powerlessness offers us the difference from reacting to responding.

    Conversation with God Book 1 God/Neale writes “The first thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is “good” or ‘bad.” It just is. So stop making value judgements.
    The second thing to know is that all conditions are temporary. Nothing stays the same, nothing remains static. Which way a thing changes depends on you.”

    I will leave you with that.
    Thank you for soliciting affirmations/poems/saying for my book!

    Ladies I gave up coffee, and sugar, which means ice cream (dairy) and chocolate until I find grain sweetened ice cream, which I did, as well a chocolate, for most chocolate is full of sugar and dairy.

    I have been following your progress Barbara and I think you are brave and a willing warrior to approach this and share your experience so openly! To dance with our shadows is sometimes a frightening experience, to have guides and companions on the path with you is a very useful tool.

    I am Love, Jeff

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Thank you for all your support, wisdom, and kind words, Jeff. I am going to practice the part about accepting my powerlessness and finding freedom in that. I have always thought I needed to do something to regain power, even if it was just an illusion of power. I like the idea of learning to use my intuition better or seeking wisdom, and more responding, less reacting.

      By the way, I have a few affirmations that need pictures. I will go hunting over the weekend.

  3. jeffstroud Says:

    Barbara,

    Great to read your response! I get a good feeling from your words and intentions. Power and powerless are both illusions really… meditate on that for a while…
    I will be glad to receive your affirmations!

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