A winning presence

Winning is an adjective that means successful, triumphant, or victorious. Winning implies there is some kind of prize, award, or pay-off as a result of our efforts. Sometimes others define this prize. Other times, we define what that prize is. The prize can be something others give such as a car or a trip to Honolulu. The prize can be other people’s evidence of our value such as notoriety, fame, or popularity. Or the prize can be something we make up, like money (I know most everyone believes that money is real thing . . . but it is not “real” in the sense of being tangible; money is an intangible agreement of value but that is the blog for another day.) Winning this way also implies that other people lose . . . they don’t get what you got. But, I wonder, if they never had the prize, money, or fame to begin with, what exactly is it that they lose? Hmmm . . . might explore that notion in another blog as well.

Winning can also describe someone or something as in charming, captivating, appealing, or pleasing. What it means is that if you have a winning presence, other people like your way of being in the world. This is not to say that your true presence is what you are portraying, although it might be. However, it could also be the façade personality you use to get something you want from others. You are still seeking to “win” something from the encounter. Charming only works on other people, not things or events. You can be as charming as you desire to the hurricane coming ashore in your front yard and that hurricane is still going to sweep your property clean without so much as a “thank you.”

And just try charming a cat someday . . . that will pop your illusions real fast.

Digressing again.

Winning can have intrinsic value . . . a value that means something only to you. How one might define the value depends on what is at stake in the game . . . and game begins the instant you decide to take on any competitor. A competitor is someone or something trying to take from you something you want. For some people, the competitor could be cancer. Just because we exist eternally and never really die, does not mean that someone should not work to gain as many years of life they desire. The prize is living and the value is being connected with others, growing, experiencing, enhancing, transforming, and integrating. For others, the competitor could be a history of abuse and neglect that is stealing away their ability to become who they want to be in this life. These people might believe that the abuse and neglect stole away their self-esteem, worthiness, and ability to win.

But that is a lie and so I will digress just one last time here today to give you something to think about. I believe when we are confronted with that kind of theft, we take those valuable assets and lock them away deep inside of us where they are safe and no one can touch them, and we hide the key.

I will wager that if you go get the key and unlock that prison, you will find I am right. You will find what you thought you had lost. If I win, so do you.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass


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12 Responses to “A winning presence”

  1. holessence Says:

    “If I win, so do you.”

    Ohhhhhh, I so love this post. And I loved your “digressions” with hints at posts to come.

    We had two cats — Patrick and Dougan — for 18 years of our married life. They died within weeks of each other last year. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say, “And just try charming a cat someday.”

    Great post Barbara, thank you.

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Laurie — yes, my digressions and I have a whole file on my computer. For some reason, I never seem to run out of things to think about or explore. The cat is laughing at me, by the way . . .

  2. lauralyseight Says:

    Truly Barbara, this is the way I see winning, we all won the battle of being the first to fertilise the egg. Once we won that battle, we cannot afford to be failures now.

    Great article, will be subscribing to your blog. Are you on twitter?

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Laura — thank you so much for visiting! You state our importance in being born in such a unique way. We really don’t know how long we waited or what we had to do in order to be the first to fertilize the egg, so we need to make the best of it. I am not on twitter just yet. Working on it though — I paid your sight a visit and have a couple of teenagers I am sending your way. Take good care.

  3. ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady Says:

    This post is the best and makes a lot of sense, even with the digressions

    I am trying to find the key to the safety deposit box!!
    Not sure. What happened to it!
    I might have to borrow a metal detector because I thought I had the correct key!!

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Kim — well if this post is the “best” then what the heck am I going to do with all the rest of them!!?? 😀

      You have the key with you at all times; you just keep talking yourself out of using it, which is fine. We all unlock our gifts at the time most appropriate for us. I have no doubt that you will unlock yours using all the wisdom you so perfectly possess.

  4. holessence Says:

    Dontcha just hate it when your animals snicker at you behind your back — or worse, to your face!

  5. ntexas99 Says:

    loved all the “digressions” – funny how our minds keep throwing bits of info into the mix, even when we are trying to make a point. By the way, I love what you did with the idea of winning. I may just have to take you up on that wager. (smile)

  6. Barbara Kass Says:

    I hope you do, Nancy, because I am becoming very aware of my anger management (or lack thereof) and how it contributes to my migraines. So, I will work on finding a solution for the anger and irritation that leads to migraines if you will work on finding that “key” to winning 😀

  7. Kathy Says:

    To find what we’ve locked inside…that is treasure indeed, Barbara. To truly experience what we’ve once thought too painful or challenging to fully experience. It is not a journey for the faint at heart. You strike me as a warrior, one who is willing to explore and to find the secret key and to steadfastly turn it. To me that is the spiritual journey! Blessings, brave one.

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      You make me laugh, Kathy, because I think you know me very well. I even have a purple Xena Warrior Princess umbrella! Thanks for visiting. I figure if I have come this far in life, why the heck should I stop halfway?

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