Spiritual Warrior

My friend, Jeff (the reluctant bloger), responded to one of my blogs using the term “spiritual warrior.” In my quests to discover the divine truth of me and my life, I often feel that I am battling to discover, uncover, and recover.

Jeff said “it takes powerful courage to walk the way of the spiritual warrior.” My courage comes from my innate gravitation towards happiness. I want to be happy. I want to feel love. I remember those gravitational moments in my early years when I sought to be happy and some misunderstanding soul slapped me down. And because I was small and dependent upon them, I stayed down. I think it does take courage to get up and be willing to tackle the monsters again.

To read more about my monsters, go to “real monsters don’t wear costumes” under my About section.

I am fighting my programming, my natural instinct to survive, my need to belong and fit in with others. My warrior fights for my need to evolve and become while my survivor says “yes, but let’s fit in with the rest of the world at some level. We need them.”

I let my outside circumstances and other people determine who I became and I was a very unhappy soul. No matter what mental or emotional acrobatics I performed, the world was still not satisfied and continued its dysfunction. I could not become any more dysfunctional to accommodate it. To do so would have meant a total mental and emotional breakdown. I would have ceased to exist.

If I wanted to survive, my only option was to begin this journey. I began to slay the demons I had created for myself and who I had come to depend upon for survival. They worked in my childhood, kept the insanity of living in check, so letting go of them was often painful and distressing. After all, how would I survive without them? Can I find my spiritual enlightenment and awakening in this world? Must I slay foes with my spiritual sword or am I to use it to carve my path through thickets of lies to reveal my truth?

Illusions that once secured my sanity continue to be in my way. Beliefs that I once depended upon to make decisions sway like boulders on the precipice of avalanche. How can I create the security I need to challenge these systems? Do I need a specific set of circumstances to evolve? Do I have to create the ideal set of circumstances to become enlightened? Can I use any moment to become?

It helps to have a plan – a new set of ideas, beliefs, and ways of being that I desire. I can even try them on for size and practice before I let go of the old beliefs and ways of being. I can look for ways of being outside of me that resonate with my true presence and find that talent already hidden within myself. I just have not brought that monster out to play.

I know a few people who are genuinely, innately nice. They are kind and generous with their way of being in the world. They seem broadly happy and satisfied, even when they are overcoming obstacles on their way to becoming happier. They have an attitude that I can only describe as “inquiring” when someone is angry, rude, or hostile. I have felt this way of being calling me for a long time now.

All people who come on my path are my teachers – the “good” ones along with the “bad” ones. If I recognize them and label them, then I know I am them, too. A good warrior also knows when to lay down the sword.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

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2 Responses to “Spiritual Warrior”

  1. ntexas99 Says:

    barbara – I loved this blog post, and just wanted to stop by and say hello and let you know how much I love it when you share some of the mechanics of your journey. So much of what you share is so universal in nature, and yet also so intimately unique to your situation. It is very helpful to see someone else working their way through a puzzle that promises to reveal a picture worth assembling. It is intriguing to consider the concept that the final picture is always in motion, and that we are working towards discovering what it is that we want that picture to reveal, and that our actions and choices help to shape what will eventually come into focus. And that during the journey, the picture is being built by every choice we make, whether by trial and error, or by determination and purpose.

    Anyway, your post gave me lots to think about, and you know how I like to exercise my brain with fresh and innovative information, so thanks for sharing this post (and the many others that you’ve so generously shared). I’m not sure when I’ll return to blogging, but wanted you to know that I’m still around, and interested in what you’re sharing).

    hugs, Nancy

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Nancy — you are always always always welcome here and I value your feedback. It is much less lonely on this path to reluctant enlightenment with kindred souls. I am both discovering and creating myself here, and often feel as if I am juggling just one too many balls. I miss your blogging, but I understand your need to suspend that for a while. Take good care of you.

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