the presence of love

We need to love.

It is inherent in the very molecules that breathe life into our souls. In fact, love may be our souls. And when who or what we love disappears, we suffer as if a part of our soul took flight to follow them.

Who we love is easy to identify: our family, friends, and animal companions.

What can be anything from a cherished possession to a lifestyle to a dream.

I have observed even when a loved one is dying from an incurable disease, the people who love that person want him or her to hang around as long as possible. We don’t want them to be suffering or in pain, but we have a selfish love that is tagged for that person and that person only. When that person dies, where will our love go?

I have heard people who have lost their beloved spouses say that they would never love anyone like that again . . . that spouse who died was “it” for them and that is the end of their love life.

We love the feeling of loving others. It fills us up. It makes us melt.

When we lose our people, our item or the ability to live the way we want and let go of an unrealized dream, we miss that feeling of loving. We not only mourn for the loss, we mourn for ourselves. Mourning helps heal that raw and sudden wound. And our love floats around the empty space searching for a place to land. It is a specific love, reserved in a special place within us.

I notice my love when I am tending my plants . . . especially the one that I thought I had killed last winter (see the presence of plants).

I notice my love as I sit and play with my granddaughter.

I notice my love as I carefully construct a conversation with a family member in desperate times.

I notice the love I have for that Magic cat has nowhere to land. I miss loving her presence.

The lesson that this is teaching me is to love more . . . even though I may lose the presence of what I love, to be without the presence of loving is a dark and lonely existence.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

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10 Responses to “the presence of love”

  1. holessence Says:

    Barbara – These are the three lines from your post that jumped off the screen and grabbed my heart this morning:

    “In fact, love may be our souls.”

    “We love the feeling of loving others. It fills us up. It makes us melt.”

    “I notice my love as I carefully construct a conversation with a family member in desperate times.”

    The third one especially so as I’m here in California during the holiday season caring for my father who is ill.

    Great post – I’m listening with my heart.

  2. Barbara Kass Says:

    Hi, Laurie — my thoughts and heart are with you.

  3. ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady Says:

    Oh Barbara
    Thanks this beautiful shring.

    Ha–my love for OREOZ is still here, even though last night he chewed 3 holes and one whole edge side of my new heirloom quilt while we were sleeping! I geuss he is getting back at me for being away for a month and I have noy gothim any rawhide treats lately!….I guess the quilt now looks like an antique!

    Love is Divine…
    Kim

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Kim — I think I heard that about dogs . . . that they chew because they are either excited, nervous or upset. So, you being back was probably exciting for him, but also maybe made him nervous (you might go away again). I had my kitties in a kitty bed and breakfast a long time ago when I first moved to Maryland while I was looking for an apartment. The people who owned it said not to visit them because my leaving again just upsets them. They were only there for six days because I needed to see them.

  4. sandiwhite Says:

    Hi, Barbara, I am missing the presence of my second daughter Faith tonight, she has flown back to school in Iowa. I was so glad and grateful to have here, if only for a few crazy, hectic days. I am missing all the family members that I have loved and are now in a different reality. I miss the feeling of them loving me back. But when I remind myself of all the others who are still around me, within reach of a phone call, e-mail or just walking to the mailbox, I have to remember to switch over to the Light Side. There is still plenty of Love left to offer, Love to receive and Love to share. Love this post!!

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      I know what you mean, Sandi. It has taken me a long time to realize that loving others is all we really need to do and when we are missing our loved ones, the cure is to go love a whole bunch of other people (or cats . . . or dogs . . . or chickens). Being without love is a sad and lonely existence. I would rather love and lose a thousand people than to not love anyone at all.

  5. passionatepresence Says:

    Very Nice Post Barbara!

    I have noticed the presence of love is contained in the desire to love. The fulfillment is contained in the desire.

    It is such good news when I can connect with that. Takes a big load off everything else… when I can feel it.

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      good point, Ben. We have to be willing to love, to act upon our desire. I know people who have lost their desire to love, some of them because they are afraid of losing the person, so they are unwilling to risk loving again. It is a good place to start: do I desire to love? Yes. Am I willing to love? Yes.

  6. passionatepresence Says:

    I wrote a poem today that touches on this, so I thought I would share it.

    Will you strip yourself naked
    with me
    in total openness,
    vulnerability,
    and offer,
    the beautiful,
    mundane,
    and
    apparently limited
    on the alter
    of our honesty?
    in intimacy?

    In this vast LOVE,
    Open Sky,
    Boundless Field,
    of Being,
    All is resolved
    and Beautiful
    again in its
    original innocence
    and awe.

    Walking hand in hand,
    seeing it all,
    not really knowing,
    relieved we don’t
    need to…

    We are the Lovers,
    that will accept nothing else,
    than GOING ALL THE WAY,
    PASSING THROUGH IT ALL
    in total free fall!
    seeing
    we are all the same,
    in so many ways,
    and how
    humbling this IS.

    Oh Yes!
    We will have a Great Laugh
    some day
    at how we kept
    ourselves separate,
    when the whole time,
    we were dancing,
    palms up,
    arms outstretched,
    in our courtship
    together
    as Love!

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Oh, my, Ben – you need to have this published somewhere. SO many people need to read it, live it, be it. Your words remind of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Total Catastrophe Living. I especially like the part that we don’t have know everything, yet we are able to live “in total free fall” if we choose. Thank you so much for sharing this on this Christmas Eve.

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