Back to my blogs. Back to my residence.
It appears from my last blog entry that I had managed some level of awakening and then disappeared. Or given up. The truth is I simply became busier than I could reasonably manage in a 24-hour day and this blog became one of the victims. While I kept up with Meaning Making, all of my other writing efforts were devoted to grad school papers and my final capstone thesis where I became undeniably aware that what I really really really really want right now is stillness and silence so that I can hear/feel/sense/discern the voice of the Divine/God/Spirit/Universal Consciousness.
I’ve returned to my place of living without my things because most of them burned up New Year’s Day 2012. But my habits have returned with me. I turn to see the time on the clock on the wall and see only an empty space. I need to find a new clock for that space because each time I face it, the memory of what used to be shakes me again, hurts me again, and I need to change that energy.
Returning requires replacement.
Returning requires facing what used to be with who I am now.
Returning is asking me the question: now what?
I’ve been living a life of finishing, stowed away in a different portal of time, sunk into a one-purpose outcome: graduation. It did not matter that I had already graduated from kindergarten, grade school, middle school, driver’s ed, dog obedience school, high school, college, and graduate school once before. Oh, no. I had to go back and hit graduate school one more time. It was a pure spiritual calling and what I discovered is the value of my time and attention—what is meaningful for me.
Returning finds me with everything I have absorbed and how it has changed me. I need to digest it all and make it mine. I am returned to where I began, and now I must somehow translate who I am now into my being in the world.
Someone is calling me to return to some greater presence of myself.
©2013 Barbara L. Kass