The presence of returning

I’m back.

Back to my blogs. Back to my residence.

It appears from my last blog entry that I had managed some level of awakening and then disappeared. Or given up. The truth is I simply became busier than I could reasonably manage in a 24-hour day and this blog became one of the victims. While I kept up with Meaning Making, all of my other writing efforts were devoted to grad school papers and my final capstone thesis where I became undeniably aware that what I really really really really want right now is stillness and silence so that I can hear/feel/sense/discern the voice of the Divine/God/Spirit/Universal Consciousness.

I’ve returned to my place of living without my things because most of them burned up New Year’s Day 2012. But my habits have returned with me. I turn to see the time on the clock on the wall and see only an empty space. I need to find a new clock for that space because each time I face it, the memory of what used to be shakes me again, hurts me again, and I need to change that energy.

Returning requires replacement.

Returning requires facing what used to be with who I am now.

Returning is asking me the question: now what?

I’ve been living a life of finishing, stowed away in a different portal of time, sunk into a one-purpose outcome: graduation. It did not matter that I had already graduated from kindergarten, grade school, middle school, driver’s ed, dog obedience school, high school, college, and graduate school once before. Oh, no. I had to go back and hit graduate school one more time. It was a pure spiritual calling and what I discovered is the value of my time and attention—what is meaningful for me.

Returning finds me with everything I have absorbed and how it has changed me. I need to digest it all and make it mine. I am returned to where I began, and now I must somehow translate who I am now into my being in the world.

Someone is calling me to return to some greater presence of myself.

©2013 Barbara L. Kass

12 Responses to “The presence of returning”

  1. jeffstroud Says:

    Allow me be the first to welcome you on your return Barbara! I am so thrilled to see you have returned. Your journey sounds something like mine, yet our paths are completely different.

    Your returning will be as you so desire to create it. All we learn is there for us to place attention on our intention once again.

    You have accomplished so much, you have answered one call to return to another in different form, in a different consciousness.

    Welcome, welcome !


    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Thanks, Jeff — I feel like I have been gone a long, long time, and yet I keep expecting to find things the same. Part of me is somewhat grateful I have to refurnish with new things to remind myself that I all things are different now.

  2. ntexas99 Says:

    in returning, you have arrived … at a new dimension of what was

    blessings to you as you acclimate … welcome back

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Hi, Nancy — acclimate is right. I have odd moments where I have to do a reality check: have I really been gone from here for over three years? But then I look around and my cat is gone, my granddaughter is older, the stuff is new . . .

  3. Ann Marquette Says:

    Hello Barbara and welcome back. I am so sorry for the fire which caused you the loss of you possessions, but thank God you are alive and I pray well. Often we don’t see the blessings of tragedies or other happenings in our lives which we, as human beings see as negatives.
    Your time away, going back to college, and learning about yourself are blessings, allowing you to begin anew.
    I have been working on transitioning my life for the better, and believe me there is a lot to change 🙂 I have seen improvement, but more to come.
    I had a great temp assignment job for the last 16 months which ended this past Friday. I am taking this week off on purpose, but the agency will be looking for another assignment for me as I do need a source of income to supplement another regular stream of income. The regular stream of income is not enough to fully support me. I have rarely even opened my blog the last year and a half except to respond to comments from readers. It is time I get back to writing while I have this time…and reading more of my blogger friends than I have been during full time work. I need to write about my current life, plans, and work on transitioning.

    I look forward to reading how you do during this new journey of your life Barbara. It will be awesome I am sure, because our loving God is awesome. He wants His best for us and when we surrender it all to Him, the best shows up in ways we could not imagine.

    Blessings and love,

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Yes! Yes, Ann! I would love it if you got back to writing your blog. I would especially like to hear your thoughts on transitioning. I believe that there are blessings in losing all my stuff in that fire. There are lessons in that event that will serve me well.

      • Ann Marquette Says:

        Thanks Barbara for the encouragement to get back to writing my blog. I am currently trying to clear out more clutter around here as I have the house up for sale so I can move to the only place I have ever felt AT HOME, even though I was not born there, Greenville SC.
        This is my first week without work and adjusting to having this time. I need to get myself organized. I was out of town, in Greenville from Friday afternoon until Monday afternoon. So yesterday and today are the first. Once I get finished with some de-cluttering I will work on some writing.

        As for losing all your stuff in the fire…I have noticed over the last several years when reporters talk to people who have made it through hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding, and fires they say how grateful they are alive, that the material stuff can be replaced.

        Just a brief note about my personal transitioning. I am the type who likes to know everything NOW. I hate going through the process, but learning that every step forward, every positive change in habits (even little ones) is a blessing. I just work at practicing the changes so they become a habit. I also believe all these steps move me forward on the path, this journey I am on. It is an adventure which can at times be frustrating, but mostly exciting.

  4. Laurie Buchanan Says:

    welcome, Welcome, WELCOME back 🙂

    When you said, ” I must somehow translate who I am now into my being in the world,” it brought to mind one of my daily goals: “Integrate the wisdom that I have with the life that I live.”

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