the presence of emptiness

I know the title to this piece sounds like an oxymoron – if something is empty (if there is nothing) how can there be presence? Emptiness has a true presence – it is a vacancy ready for occupation. Emptiness fills the spot in a person’s absence. In letting go of the past, emptiness is what comes when the feeling that used to be present is gone. Emptiness is having a wordless place within the desire to write and express. Emptiness is looking for the person that I used to be and finding she no longer exists. My past selves are but a memory to me.

Where there is nothing, though, makes real the possibility of something. As I let go of anything, I become more available to other things in life. If I am not careful in my growing to fill myself with something vibrant, new, and colorful, emptiness will settle its placid self down in my life and occupy any available space. Then, I become vulnerable to the Law of Distraction.

The Law of Distraction is anything that will take my attention away from the fact that I am empty, and, generally, the Law of Distraction is attached to the Path of Least Resistance. Whatever is easily available in my life becomes my focus and distracts me from paying attention to my emptiness. I am still empty, but I have all of these distractions that require my energy, so emptiness sits back in the easy chair, with a beer in one hand and the television remote in the other, and makes itself at home.

At some point, I need to confront emptiness. In paying attention to what I think, do, and feel when I am empty, I come to know my default attitudes and ways of being. Not all of them serve me well but what becomes clear as I watch myself within my emptiness is that each and every one of them is a choice.

I appreciate all of them, especially the ones I am letting go of. They served a purpose in my life at some point, kept me alive, and got me to where I am today.

And I greet the empty spaces they leave behind with grateful anticipation and wonder at what I can create there now.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

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The Presence of January

She is quite possibly the most exquisite creation to grace earthlings in a millennia.

Reader, be warned . . . I might be a little biased in my opinion seeing how I am the grandmother of this darling of a girl who has been epitome of my existence. Yes . . . there are moments when I know I was born so that she could have her particular entry into this human form at this particular time.

January is a total presence. She has been given permission and fully accepts her right to be exactly who she is. Her only responsibility right now is to grow, unfold, and blossom.

She wears her presence well. I watch her cycle through and reflect to the world what is going on with her at any moment. She is honest in her assessment although lately she is learning how to phrase her honesty so as to not hurt a person’s feelings. She is in love with life and wants only for life to love her back.

Every moment of her presence is about creating. She creates conversation where there is none. She fashions games to play on long car drives where the only playing pieces are our minds. She will hunt around for odds and ends and any coloring devices handy to turn a cardboard box into a cabinet.

She loves American Girl, wearing dresses, and brushing the kitty’s teeth “squeaky” clean. I am not sure how the cat feels about that.

When we are together, there is little else that I pay attention to. I let my hobbies and chores fall by the wayside. They will still be there after January goes home. It is hard for me to let her go, but I knew that was the deal the second I was told of her existence. Months and months before her birth, I became enamored and attached, and I didn’t even know who she was then.

She brings my attention to the perfect unique being that each of us are. There is nothing else to worry about, nothing else to desire, nothing else to aspire to. She has taught me that we are perfect just the way we are today.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

Toltec presence

In his latest book, The Fifth Agreement, don Miguel Ruiz shares with us Toltec wisdom. Toltec means artist. We are artists of everything: our words, our wisdom, our spirits, our truths . . . in other words, our lives.

When I came across this definition in his book, I became enamored of the idea that not only am I the creator of my own existence, I am the artist as well. I can color my world, shape my thoughts, design my interactions, and even critique the results. To be an artist means to take creation one step further after invention.

I can speak and write words. I can call something or someone beautiful, and people will know that I appreciate what I see. However, I can call that same thing or person enchanting, and suddenly people know not only do I consider them beautiful, but also how their beauty affects me.

In creating my world, I know I need to take care with my word in how I describe what I view, my interactions with others, and myself. My life is a canvas on which I paint words, thoughts, and actions. How I color them, the shape and form they take, and how I choose for them to affect me is my choice.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

My word creates my world

My word, whether it is written or spoken, creates my world and impacts the lives of others. I need to guard it carefully and make it as sacred as my actions. I would never slap a loved one in the face, yet, upon occasion, I let go with a verbal assault that is the emotional equivalent. And, I always regret it.  I need to remember that those who I love and care for rely upon my word. If I speak harshly of another, that person is impacted, but even more, I will have consequences. That person will not trust the love I profess to have for them. If I say “this is so or that is so or this will happen or I am this or that or will be this or that” then I need to take care and heed my own word because those words create the energy that I will live. If I cannot make it so, I lose credibility, belief, faith, and reliability. I have come across people who believe it is okay to give their word, break their word, and then say, “oh, sorry,” and then think that the next time they give their word, I am going to trust them again; I trust them less the next time, even less the next time, less, and less, and less.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four Agreements. The first agreement is “Be Impeccable With Your Word.” Don Miguel points out in very simple language that we also cause ourselves problems with our words through gossip. Gossip is talking about another person outside of that person’s presence and most gossip words are negative manifestations. My perception of what another person is doing or saying is clouded by my own interpretations and belief system. I am capable of passing judgment without knowing or fully living another person’s experience. Knowing I cannot ever live another person’s experience means I must acknowledge this tendency to judge, accept it, and realize I have the power to not exercise it.

 To myself, I must first be true; my word to myself I will first keep, and then to all of you.

^©2010 by Barbara L. Kass