Posts Tagged ‘value’

A winning presence

July 8, 2010

Winning is an adjective that means successful, triumphant, or victorious. Winning implies there is some kind of prize, award, or pay-off as a result of our efforts. Sometimes others define this prize. Other times, we define what that prize is. The prize can be something others give such as a car or a trip to Honolulu. The prize can be other people’s evidence of our value such as notoriety, fame, or popularity. Or the prize can be something we make up, like money (I know most everyone believes that money is real thing . . . but it is not “real” in the sense of being tangible; money is an intangible agreement of value but that is the blog for another day.) Winning this way also implies that other people lose . . . they don’t get what you got. But, I wonder, if they never had the prize, money, or fame to begin with, what exactly is it that they lose? Hmmm . . . might explore that notion in another blog as well.

Winning can also describe someone or something as in charming, captivating, appealing, or pleasing. What it means is that if you have a winning presence, other people like your way of being in the world. This is not to say that your true presence is what you are portraying, although it might be. However, it could also be the façade personality you use to get something you want from others. You are still seeking to “win” something from the encounter. Charming only works on other people, not things or events. You can be as charming as you desire to the hurricane coming ashore in your front yard and that hurricane is still going to sweep your property clean without so much as a “thank you.”

And just try charming a cat someday . . . that will pop your illusions real fast.

Digressing again.

Winning can have intrinsic value . . . a value that means something only to you. How one might define the value depends on what is at stake in the game . . . and game begins the instant you decide to take on any competitor. A competitor is someone or something trying to take from you something you want. For some people, the competitor could be cancer. Just because we exist eternally and never really die, does not mean that someone should not work to gain as many years of life they desire. The prize is living and the value is being connected with others, growing, experiencing, enhancing, transforming, and integrating. For others, the competitor could be a history of abuse and neglect that is stealing away their ability to become who they want to be in this life. These people might believe that the abuse and neglect stole away their self-esteem, worthiness, and ability to win.

But that is a lie and so I will digress just one last time here today to give you something to think about. I believe when we are confronted with that kind of theft, we take those valuable assets and lock them away deep inside of us where they are safe and no one can touch them, and we hide the key.

I will wager that if you go get the key and unlock that prison, you will find I am right. You will find what you thought you had lost. If I win, so do you.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

Presence and personal value

April 5, 2010

A long time ago in a place called, we were asked what pushes us to ignore our personal values. I responded that it depends which value is at stake at the time; I will trade every single value I hold dear for the life of my granddaughter for she is who I value most in life; other values become negotiable for my own survival; others less so for the price of my employment and having a home — but these are all in the extreme. We all like to say “nothing” will cause me to ignore my personal values, but when we examine our lives closely, there are trade-offs daily even though we don’t like to admit them. I admit mine mindfully, trade them carefully, minimize their impact on myself and others, and realize I am living in the real imperfect world.

My eternal presence does not wrestle with the rightness or wrongness of any of my decisions. Because of my granddaughter, I know that my life really is not mine to trade lightly or selfishly. When that little person came into the world, in that moment, she became the reason I was born. I do not know for how long my life is hers. It may be until she reaches adulthood. It may be beyond. Until I know, everything about me is to take good care of myself, negotiate life’s trials with caution with the fundamental knowledge that I need to be wholly alive.

Does her ownership of my mortality make me do less for myself? Actually, no. Instead, I strive for more because I know she is watching me. She makes me even more determined to be fully alive, to bring the presence in me that lives eternally to this temporary world.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass