Walking gratitude

Gratitude is a tough walk to take at 3:00 a.m.

At 3:00 a.m., the ghosts of past decisions come to visit. Each and every one of those decisions brought me to this space in my life. I look at the coming day and realize that not everything that is going on in my life is the way I like it, but I am happier than I have ever been.

That I set it all in motion becomes acutely clear – so sharp in my vision that I have to sometimes look away. I am not ready to see all of me just yet.

I am willing to see that I make all of the choices and decisions to be working and living where I am. Every day, I choose this path for many different reasons, and some of those decisions are made unconsciously. As my unconscious self slowly wakes up, I am meeting the self I am who desires peace and happiness.

At 3:00 a.m., I am not quite sure where I will find peace and happiness. All of my lessons in being powerless have taught me that peace and happiness are not “out there” even if I perceive others in the world as having more than their fair share. Still others have so much pain and sorrow, I feel guilty for having any joy.

It is easier to talk gratitude than to walk gratitude. My unconscious self who gave up peace and happiness in favor of guilt and inadequacy knows all the reasons, and I do not need to resolve all of those issues before I walk this path of gratitude presence. The wisdom of my eternal presence reminds me that this walk I am taking, this time of waking up, is happening within me. Within me is the path to peace and happiness – within my thoughts, within my feelings, within my actions, within my responses. Who I am becoming is reflected for others to see and perceive however they choose.

It is time to be the word and today the word is gratitude.

©2010 Barbara L. Kass

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The presence of story

Lately, I have had the feeling that I am running out of time.

At least, that’s the story I have been telling myself.

Joseph Campbell’s words “Eternity doesn’t start when you die. You’re in it now” remind me that I am always in the eternal now. Time is the unending unraveling of the universe and the constant movement of energies. Time is the coming together of energies and the eventual dissolution of those energies.

I am mindful of the fact that the cohesion of the molecules I call my physical body can end at any time. And I often feel as if I am wasting this opportunity because I am imagining that I am not doing all of the things I should be doing. I feel as if I am very far behind in becoming all of the presence that I should be.

Yesterday, I wrote about listening to the story within me. Today, I am mindful of where the story may be coming from. And, I need to be aware that part of my lesson in this existence is learning about bringing my true presence to life. To do this, I need to face the stories within me and find out if they are true or if they are just something someone told me about myself a long time ago.

Don Miguel Ruiz begins book, The Four Agreements, talking about the presence of story within all of us and how we design our lives to make those stories become our lives. We live out the stories other people have told us about ourselves. We live life because someone told us “this is how life is” and we believed that person and continue to recreate that reality over and over again.

Ruiz goes on to discuss how powerful our words are and the stories they create. Words create lives. Words destroy lives. Today, I will be mindful of how my stories are creating or destroying my life.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass

My word creates my world

My word, whether it is written or spoken, creates my world and impacts the lives of others. I need to guard it carefully and make it as sacred as my actions. I would never slap a loved one in the face, yet, upon occasion, I let go with a verbal assault that is the emotional equivalent. And, I always regret it.  I need to remember that those who I love and care for rely upon my word. If I speak harshly of another, that person is impacted, but even more, I will have consequences. That person will not trust the love I profess to have for them. If I say “this is so or that is so or this will happen or I am this or that or will be this or that” then I need to take care and heed my own word because those words create the energy that I will live. If I cannot make it so, I lose credibility, belief, faith, and reliability. I have come across people who believe it is okay to give their word, break their word, and then say, “oh, sorry,” and then think that the next time they give their word, I am going to trust them again; I trust them less the next time, even less the next time, less, and less, and less.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four Agreements. The first agreement is “Be Impeccable With Your Word.” Don Miguel points out in very simple language that we also cause ourselves problems with our words through gossip. Gossip is talking about another person outside of that person’s presence and most gossip words are negative manifestations. My perception of what another person is doing or saying is clouded by my own interpretations and belief system. I am capable of passing judgment without knowing or fully living another person’s experience. Knowing I cannot ever live another person’s experience means I must acknowledge this tendency to judge, accept it, and realize I have the power to not exercise it.

 To myself, I must first be true; my word to myself I will first keep, and then to all of you.

^©2010 by Barbara L. Kass