The presence of Magic

The Magic Cat
She has always been a creature of comfort. Her soul loves feeling good to the point that never mattered who might be inconvenienced in her search for warmth, a complete body rub, and dinner off my plate.

Yesterday, we said our temporary goodbye. She could no longer eat or drink water even though it was clear she wanted to. Sitting at her water dish, her meow was mournful and painful for me to hear. I made the decision to allow death to claim her body, and set her soul free. I needed to put her out of my misery. I feel only a little bit better that she is no longer physically suffering.

There is no doubt in my heart that she will be present for me when I make my transition home.

She represents more to me than a 7-pound feline with an attitude. We have a 17-year history and there are a hundred thousand memories associated with her presence. When she first arrived in our lives, Bethany was a young girl and Magic was her birthday present. Magic was supposed to be her cat, not mine. But I was working from home back then and she found my lap beneath the keyboard while I typed away. She snuggled up against me late at night searching for warmth and the familiar sound of another heartbeat. She taught me how to throw her cat toy and she would fetch it and bring it back to me to throw again. When we had visitors, people said she followed me around like a dog. I told them she was very much a cat: always on the wrong side of every door.

I dragged her 2,000 miles across the United States from Texas to Maryland and changed residences six times in 15 years. One time, she even put up with living with male cats for 3 years. She was always well-behaved and polite. These past four weeks were the only time she was sick or caused me any concern at all.

I carry the question of whether euthanasia and depriving her of suffering was the “right” thing to do. I take some comfort from the idea that if she trusted me with her life, then she also trusted me with her death.

I have a lifetime of stories to tell about her, but right now they all make me cry.

I miss her presence.

©2010 by Barbara L. Kass


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13 Responses to “The presence of Magic”

  1. holessence Says:

    Oh Barbara, I am so very sorry. Losing a companion animal is emotional torture.

  2. ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady Says:

    So sorry to hear!!
    17 years is a piece of your heart.
    I bet she is with you tonight in every wonderful memory.

    Best Regard to you at this difficult time.


    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Thanks, Kim. Yes, 17 years is a lifetime; every time I turn around, I am reminded of her. She had a great life with me and I am so glad to have had those years with her.

  3. jeffstroud Says:


    What a wondrous magical experience you have offered all of us as you share your journey with Magic!
    I hold space to honor your need to be sad, and to honor your grief…
    Sending Reiki healing to you if you so wish to receive it!


    • Barbara Kass Says:

      Thanks, Jeff. I have only had two other animals in my life that crushed me like this (my dog and my childhood kitty). They are very special spirits.

      I accept your Reiki healing with gratitude.

  4. sandiwhite Says:

    Barbara, I feel as if I knew Magic personally, I always got such a kick out her antics when you would describe her high and mighty ways, and then would slip around for a little reassuring love. I will miss those stories. I have no doubt that you will feel her spiritual presence for some time, until she is sure that you’ll be alright, nor do I have any doubt what so ever that she’ll be one of first there to welcome you back Home after your Journey is completed. With that crazy Magic look of hers. I am very sorry for your loss.

    • Barbara Kass Says:

      you are so sweet, Sandi. We had a very special bond, one that I hope transcends death. I still feel badly for having made the decision. I wish I could have done it so differently. I hope that she is okay. I hope that she found her way and I hope she finds it in her heart to pay me a little visit and let me know.

  5. sandiwhite Says:

    Sometimes we do what we have to, it is the best thing. Suffering is not something she had to endure, you were wise and kind enough to see to that. And, Barbara? You of all people should know she is alright, she has just graduated to a better level of Life.

  6. the presence of love « Eternal Presence Says:

    […] notice the love I have for that Magic cat has nowhere to land. I miss loving her […]

  7. Eileen Says:

    Having read this I thought it was very enlightening.

    I appreciate you spending some time and energy to
    put this informative article together. I once again find myself spending a lot of time both reading and
    posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

  8. The presence of reincarnation: Magic Redux | Eternal Presence Says:

    […] history first. Back on August 16, 2010, my soulmate kitty, Magic, went to the eternal beyond, breaking my heart in the process. I did not get another animal because I was living in other […]

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